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bananas, cacao nibs, dates and water.  blend and enjoy.

been a long, long time…

but i’m coming back.

i miss it here.  meanwhile i’ve been facebook-ing, tweet-ing, even tumblr-ing, but alas not raw blogging.  but i’m coming back.

right now i’m doing the master cleanse…it’s that time of year.  we’re heading into fall.  it really seems like clockwork, so i follow the chimes and take my meditation away from food.  on day nine now and feeling quite good. even. focused. ready to reach my goal of…well, i’ll tell you when i’m almost halfway there.  i really love this challenge, this peace, this rest, this simplicity that happens on the mater cleanse.

i’m a little tired though, it’s been a long day and i need to get some clothes tomorrow.  so, night night.

 

I’m halfway through my Liver & Bowel Detox — 6 days in, 6 days to go.

So far so good.

Day 1:  I eliminated all sweets, caffeine, refined foods, red meats and alcohol.  I wasn’t eating red meat, drinking alcohol or caffeine, but the sweets, oh the sweets.  I near made myself sick on Valentines day with a big mound of Bailey’s Cheesecake, tiramisu ice cream and whipped cream….ugh.  So day one of this cleanse, I was ready to give up the whites (no offense, they do really make me sick) and the sweets.

Day 2:  I eliminated beans, eggs, nuts, dairy, chicken and oils.  Chicken wasn’t in my eating vocab, so that was no biggie, but the others, I somehow had gotten hooked on and really, eggs make me sick (I’m noticing).  Beans bloat me up (could do without them).  Cheese, lawd, cheese…something I really could do to sneak in every once in a while, but it starts my eczema to flaring up, especially when it’s not sheep or goat’s cheese.  So now, the nuts and oil…fats, oh how I love ‘em.  Cashews, almonds, pistachios, macadamias, pine…how I love and miss you.  Oils, I like to sautee my veggies, add a little oil to my pasta and my brown rice.  But then I discovered that I could add mashed avocado to my brown rice and I found heaven!

Day 3:  I eliminated grains, except for rice and I can still eat fish.  But I was pan frying the fish in oil…experimenting time!  I doused a nice piece of salmon in fresh lemon, some herbs and Bragg’s and fell in loooooove!

Day 4: I eliminated starchy vegetables and fish.  Veganism, I’m coming home!  But, I’d just bought a couple of acorn squashes and thought, shit! I can’t eat them?  But no, I can still eat squash…yay!  Baked acorn squash is my favourite, reminds me of my daddy’s home cooking.  Sprinkle a little cinnamon and MmmmMMM!  Plus, I had a HUGE revelation about food and me (I’ll explain in another post)

Day 5:  I eliminated rice.  I was really enjoying our relationship with avocado.  So tasty.  But now it’s just veggies, fruits and me.

Today, Day 6:  I eliminated all solid foods.  Broths, pureed veggie soups, and juices.  Today I’ve had a headache for most of the day.  Could be because I didn’t plan the day so well.  I’ve been drinking water.  Actually drank some of that KIKI maple sweetwater — it was definitely an acquired taste the first time, but now I can say that the second time, it must be very cold to enjoy it…lukewarm, no good.  In anycase, I think the water may have balanced me out.

c’est tout pour maintenant.

I’ll be back before it’s over.  The next couple days may be hard — no solid food.  Wish me luck.

peace, love & butterflies,

sbt

Transition: Day 12-ish

Well, really Day 13, but it’s only a minute after midnight, so it doesn’t really count, right?

Anyhow, I have been having a heyday with food.  Filled into my clothes and not really deliberating over it or obsessing over the scale either, which is good progress for me.  But through all of this, my body has spoken to me and has told me it wants to detox a little.  So, when I wake up in the morning, I’ll have started my first day of a 12 day Liver & Bowel Cleanse.  I’m tired of having eczema and I’d like to know if I can get rid of it without having to bathe in steroid cream.  So, I’m gonna detox.  Slowly remove things from my day to day and then slowly re-introduce them back, but avoid the refined shit…it truly gives me a headache.  And then I’m going to transition back to raw, that’s my goal for this month.  In the meantime, I found a couple of somethings to keep me grounded and help me be guilt free (it’s all a journey), from Jinjee Talifero:

“Every body is different and I think the most important thing to do is honor what feels right to you. If the raw diet is not working for you, perhaps it is a matter of belief system. Not everybody is ready to believe that you can get all your nourishment from raw plant foods. One way to shift your beliefs is to actually experience the benefits of the raw diet. However if you don’t feel good eating 100% raw, and feel better when you eat a little dairy, meat, steamed veggies, soup, whatever it is, then I think one should honor this; honor your process, your path. We are taught to follow others; we are seldom taught to listen within. Health is really a good starting place to learn to trust ourselves. If we can learn to listen to our body, perhaps it will help guide us to the even more mysterious art of listening to our heart!”

“As I mentioned in my last post, I was allowing myself some cooked foods on occasion but then noticed some food addictions creeping back in to my life. Well, now I’m finding a new way to come back to a healthy path with eating. When I crave something I know isn’t good for me right now, I just put it off.

I just tell myself I can have the craved item in a few days or a week, after I’m done with some particular task. This actually silences the frightened part in me that fears I’m going to withhold the craved item…”

peace, love & butterflies,

sbt

Day 7: Learning A New Language

I’m reading Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I’m really excited about reading it. It’s a thick and meaty book. Substantial. The first, introductory chapter was exciting and affirming for me (in some parts) and heady and a little overwhelming for me in other parts…simply in the introduction. But in my spirit I know that this book is something I need to read and take my time, whatever time I need, to get whatever I need from it. I’ve asked friends if they’ve read it and two of them have. Both sort of agreed with me about it being a little overwhelming and one suggested reading it with my spirit. Go to the Table Of Contents and read what my spirit says to read, so of course the first section I’m called to read is called La Mariposa, Butterfly Woman. And of course it’s in the chapter called Joyous Body: The Wild Flesh.

I’m nodding and digesting the words and her analogies. They’re affirming the neglected unloved parts of my body and the unanswered questions have been affirmed as well.

And then I read these:

“Many people treat their bodies as if the body is a slave, or perhaps they even treat it well but demand it follow their wishes and whims as though it were a slave nonetheless.”

“The idea in our culture of body solely as sculpture is wrong. Body is not marble. That is not its purpose. Its purpose is to protect, contain, support, and fire the spirit and soul within it, to be a repository for memory, to fill us with feeling–that is the supreme psychic nourishment. It is to lift us and propel us, to fill us with feeling to prove that we exist, that we are here, to give us grounding, heft, weight. It is wrong to think of it as a place we leave in order to soar to the spirit. The body is the launcher of those experiences. Without body there would be no sensations of crossing thresholds, there would be no sense of lifting, no sense of height, weightlessness. All that comes from the body. The body is the rocket launcher. In its nose capsule, the soul looks out the window into the mysterious starry night and is dazzled.”

It really hit me that I need to learn a new language. Honour my body for what it is currently doing, what it does and what it is able to do. Instead of saying/complaining that my calves are killing me because I’m so out of shape, I’d instead say, my calves are sore, but reminding me that I still have sensation in my body and what they are capable of.

A daily practice.

I am alive and my body is incredible. I am strong. My shoulders and legs are strong. My mind and body are a great team.

I am going to take this month of February to transition back to raw and into healthier/gentler self talk.

Yes. I feel that.

peace, love & butterflies,
sbt

Day 4 & 5: Transition

Day 4: Went to bed at 11. Exhausted.
Day 5: Got stuck.

Friday (Day 4), was a good day. I spent time with two powerful ladies. We fed and exchanged.

Yesterday, well, yesternight, I got a little stuck. It’s something that I struggle with constantly. My self image…loving my self image. There are empowering days and not-so-empowering days. Yester-night was the latter. Problem is, I am triggered by the people closest to me, the ones that I love and look to for love in return. They are the ones that can tear me down with just a word, especially if I’m in a delicate place. And that’s what happened last night. Only 5 hours left in the day, and admitted the day felt like it was on the verge of tears, one comment from my dude just put me over. It threw the walls up, and the tears started pouring, gushing. He’s always only trying to help and motivate me and remind me of my spirit when I’m on track. Problem is, when I’m off track, I am OFF TRACK and it takes me a bit of wallowing in my self pity to get the fuck back on track. And really, why waste the fucking time, Saidah? Why waste the time wallowing, when I know what I have to do? (I’m sure you’re wondering…maybe you’re not and know my answer, cause you have the same one yourself). I wallow, because sometimes it’s hard to maintain with such vigor, especially when I’ve allowed myself to get side tracked from what I truly want.

I fucking did this last year when I started eating all cooked food…I was miserable. I really was. I felt guilty. I felt irritable. I felt like I was over thinking what I was putting in my mouth and it wasn’t all the greatest what I was putting into my mouth. So I guess I start to parent myself, but not in a loving way by saying, ‘Saidah, you KNOW better’. And the guilt fills my mind, because I do know better. See, I feel care free when I’m raw. I don’t have to think. Things are simple. I know it’s good for my body to eat that way and everything else just falls into place.

So I’m allowing myself the time to transition back to what I know is right for me. I have to remind myself that, this is what I’m doing. Transitioning back home.

And last night, to lift my spirits, my dude and I played Kinect (it’s a video game where you are the controller). It worked. I wrapped the Adventure game. Onto the next adventure because, today is a whole new day.

peace, love & butterflies,
sbt

Yesterday was a crazy, heavy day.

Happy Black History Month, first of all.  I must acknowledge and give thanks to those that came before me, made choices that afforded me the freedoms that we all have today and to those that are still pioneering, tilling soil right now.

So yesterday, here in Toronto, our first black/urban radio station fired a whole bunch of employees that helped define the station as something that speaks for the community.  It was only ten years ago that this station came to be.  And while it didn’t speak for me, because it didn’t support the alternative black voice, it still spoke to and for some one.  Well, it’s been bought out by a huge conglomerate and they’ve switched everything up.  Sucks.

Earlier on in the week, another radio station (university radio) has had their licence revoked, so it’s going off the air.  While it wasn’t specifically a black/urban radio station, it was a station that spoke to people that wanted to hear something other than top 40 music.  It supported a WIDE range of music.

On the eve of yesterday, the news was fearing us Toronto folk that a HUGE storm was coming.  We waited.  I worried, so I went to the grocery store to stock up. I woke up yesterday morning to see a light flurry and a dusting of snow on the ground AND the kids are out of school for a snow day! What the FUUUCK!?

Then lastly, perusing Facebook, I happen upon a friend’s posting about Whole Foods, Stoneyfields and Monsanto.  Surely with them all in the same article, it couldn’t be a good sign.

Click on the link to read the article:  The Organic Elite Surrenders To Monsanto:  What Now?

It’s NOT a good sign.  In fact I spent more time on the net researching alternatives, while chatting with the friend that posted this article on their page.  This made me so sad.  This was just the cherry on top of a disappointing day.  I feel like everything that happened, that I’ve mentioned is all to do with power and people.

Handing power over.  Becoming complacent.  Not making one’s own choices.  Don’t believe the fucking hype.  There was no snow storm.  There are countless places for people to get support and have their voices heard musically.  There’s a WORLD of people out there…there’s a WORLD out there.  And when it comes to our food and the powers that be that couldn’t give but two shits about what we eat?  There’s a WORLD out there.  We’ve got this thing called a mouth to speak and a brain to think and challenge. We’ve got this internet that connects us even closer and gives us resources, if we look for them.

So, I’m waking up today after a heavy and weird day, with hope, faith and gratefulness.  I am blessed, we are blessed.  We just have to recognize them.

peace, love & butterflies,

sbt

p.s. I’ll post tonight talking about today.

 

“May today there  be peace within. May you  trust that you are
exactly where you  are meant to be. May you not forget  the infinite
possibilities  that are born of faith in yourself and others.  May you
use the  gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has
been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you
are.  Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul
the freedom  to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there  for each
and every one of  us.”

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